“How do I reconnect with who I am beyond the roles I play?”

Dear Diary: A safe space within Private Members UAE where real questions meet professional insight. Led by Cognitive and Behavioural Therapist Mandeep Jassal, this column responds to readers’ letters with empathy and expertise, offering thoughtful perspectives on life, relationships, and wellbeing. Anonymous by design, Dear Diary is a reminder that while our stories may differ, the need for understanding is universal.

“Lately, I feel like I’m living on autopilot. I’m successful on paper, but I can’t seem to feel present or fulfilled anymore. How do I reconnect with who I am beyond the roles I play?”

We may all get into the daily grind of life, living on autopilot until something stops us in our tracks, like an unusual event or seeing something that reminds us of a positive or negative time in our lives.

We may have moments where we reflect on what we are doing with ourselves in our life, and although we have ticked all the boxes, for example, getting a degree, getting married, having children, we may still question “is that all to life?”.

This mentality is very much goal-focused; we achieve our goals and tick things off, which gives us a dopamine boost – we feel good and vital.

However, practicing mindfulness and living by our values can be a much more powerful way of living life. Mindfulness is a form of meditation derived from the Buddhist religion, where we notice things that we don’t usually notice in our everyday life. For example, when taking a shower, we can focus on the smells, sounds, temperate on our skin, where it feels pleasant in our body or tense perhaps. Often, we are worrying about the next things occurring or ruminating on the past, but try your best to gently bring the attention back to the present moment, because that is all we have.

We can practice this with everyday activities, such as when we are walking (where is your focus of attention – internally in your head or externally on what is happening around you), when brushing our teeth, or making a cup of coffee, or eating our food. These are all activities we can mindfully engage in using all our senses.

Values are like our blueprints, the things that give purpose and meaning in our lives. For example, our family, friendships, connecting with our community, having fun, religion, and so on. Living a life where we are actively engaged in the things that matter to us, helps us stay grounded, stable, and more resilient, especially when one aspect of our life is stressful e.g., work, we have other things that are providing us with balance.

It may be worth asking yourself, when did you last do something you really enjoyed, like playing your favourite artists’ songs or getting back into a sporting activity that once gave you pleasure.

In your question you spoke about the roles you play, but outside of this, what else makes you who you are? What kind of a person to you want to be? How can you engage in that starting from today?

Everyone can make changes by starting small and being realistic towards a life that is fulfilling and balanced.

Curious, conflicted, or simply seeking clarity? Share your question with Dear Diary, and therapist Mandeep Jassal will respond. Your information will stay anonymous on the site.